Some days getting out of bed is like a marathon 

Some days just suck! I struggled to get out of bed yesterday morning, as everything in my mind and body told me “just go back to sleep.” But I new I had to get up for work. I layed in my bed for 30 minutes before I Finley drag myself out of bed and got dressed. My hair was greasy but I knew I had no energy to have a shower, so I just left for work. 

After such an awful morning, I ended up having an awesome day!

Another day where I did not let my depression keep me in my bed all day! This is what the real road to recover looks like! 


What is the perfect body? 

As I stood in front of the mirror in my bed room. I stared at my stomach not noticing anything around me other than the fat that was on my stomach. I closed my eyes and imagine my perfect body but I began to ask myself what is the perfect body? I had no idea what the perfect body was but I was still criticizing my own body. How could this be? I suffered from body image for many years but this was the day that I learned that this is the only body I get and I need to rock it! 
So ask yourself what is the perfect body? 

Blessing but you just don’t know it!

As I lay in my bed under almost 5 blankets. I noice that it’s 12:46pm and I look back on my day. Truly the day started off with me not wanting to get out of bed, so it’s 8:34 and I have to be out the door by 9:20. No way in hell was I getting up I thought to myself but then I remember that I had to. So I pulled my self out of bed and made coffee and went out to have my smoke. As I sat outside with a smoke in one hand and coffee in the other, I closed my eyes and felt the rain hit my face. It’s was cold but not to cold. As I sat there with my eyes closed I felt at peace, I thought to myself I wanted more of this in my, like the peacefulness. But sadly my smoke was down and I looked at my phone and it was now 9:02 so I had to raise in and get ready to go on with my day. 
Thank god I got up this morning because my day went from not wanting to get up, to not wanting to go to sleep. I had one of the best day but I would have never thought so on how my morning started off. Some times the smallest things can be a blessing but you just don’t know it! 

Psych ward journey 

I can remember being diagnosed with a mental health disorder for the very first time. As I sat in a hospital in the mental health ward, I can remember sitting in front of a doctor. And this doctor told me that I had depression and anxiety. Well no shit I thought to myself. You might ask me If I was scared or terrified? But No I was just numb. And I just wanted the hell out of that hospital. I wanted to be in the comfort of my own home, the comfort of my own bed. I was very angry and I was very depressed with my life. Was there a certain thing that I was angry or depressed at? No I was just depressed and angry at the world. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t just go home, why I had to be locked up like a prisoner. Yeah maybe I was depressed but I still didn’t understand. I was surrounded by people that I didn’t know, I had to sleep in an uncomfortable bed and I was woke up every morning at 8 AM. Every day was the same in there, I had a shower, ate the awful hospital food. Then we would work on school work, once again eat the awful hospital food and then have a group witch could have bin doing art or doing mental health booklets or what not. Guess what was for dinner? Yep awful hospital food again and then family could come in. My family came in most nights to see me and it was vary hard to see them because all I wanted to do was get the hell out of there. On weekends it was pretty much a free for all, well not really as I was locked up but I met a guy in their who I was vary close with and we were the only ones left on the ward as the other youth and kids got weekend passes but we were the unlucky ones who had to stay there. I remember his mother came in and we sat there all day playing cards with her, witch I guess I can say was not so bad. After the weekend was over I met with my psychiatrist Who finally told me that I could go home. I thought that I’d be happy about going home but in reality I was getting comfortable staying at the ward. But don’t get me wrong I was ready to go home and sleep in my own bed. Now I can realize that being stuck in that psych ward did help me even know I complain a lot when I was in there. it helped me get a sense of routine that I needed in my life and it helped me realize that I did need to change. I needed to do something with my life and I needed to find a purpose. Now I am 17 and living a life that I never thought I would or never thought I would get to live. I can truly say that I am happy and I love getting to help other people by public speaking on mental health. So now I take being locked up in a psych ward as a lesson and also as a blessing in disguise that you don’t realize is a blessing until later on in your life. So what I can say is take the bad in your life and turn it into good. 

No how to book

There is a how to book from some buddy who needs surgery, 

But there is no god damn how to book for some one suffering from depressed, 

I am suffering, 

Not from a broken bone that could be fixes by a cased,

Not from a cut that could be sticked up,

But I am suffering from depression that you can’t fixes, 

 sad when you would rather go in for major surgery then have to suffer from depression,  

I can’t fully tell you what I go threw on a daily, 

But I can tell you this, 

Imagine you’re in a dark tunnel and you just can’t get out that’s what it is like suffering from depression, 

I continue to have to fight a battle that there is no cure for, 

I continue to have to fight a battle where I don’t know if I’m going to wake up to being happy or being totally depressed,

Where I don’t even no if I can get out of bed that day, 

An if I do get out of bed that day I don’t know if I’ll be able to have a shower,

I am constantly fighting and fighting is hard but I know I have to fight and I will have to fight for the rest of my life because there is no how to book for depression. 

The pain that was buried 

Some one once ask me to explain the pain I felt,
But the pain I felt was deep down in side of me,

It was buried,

I buried it so no budy could find it, 

So I could bar the pain,

But one day you came along and brought it all back up, 

I layed it all on the table for you,

But I was so scared you would think that I was fucked, 

Because of all the story’s of my past,

Because of all the hurt I held deep down in side of me,

I was clinging onto the bad and the hurt,

because I didn’t want to let it go,

but I needed to let it go,

so I could breathe for once,

I was scared to let it go because that was my past,

I was scared that maybe One day it would catch up with me, 

But the pain and hurt was eating me inside,

So it was time to let it go,

And live 

Wrote by me Alisha Rider 

Can’t see 

Suffering from something that you can’t see but vary much feel is vary hard. Trying to describe a mental health disorder to one who has not experienced it for them self is like trying to explain reading to some one who has never read before. The concept of a mental health disorder and what you feel when you have a mental health disorder cannot be described in one feeling or one action. As everyone has mental health but not everyone has a mental health disorder.